Two
things seldom spoken of in polite society
Are hemorrhoids and hernias. But I shall speak of these,
For I have had experience with each of them, you see.
Hernias, I’ve had a pair,
Both inguinal, and since repaired.
They’re in the front; hemorrhoid, in rear.
Other maladies, as well,
have assailed me through the years:
Pimples, rashes, broken bones,
waxy build-up in the ears,
A staph infection in my face
Which swelled up like a clown’s balloon,
And ingrown toenails, such disgrace,
but I trimmed them back, and soon.
But somehow the hernias and the hemorrhoids
Remain most prominent in memory.
Perhaps because of the delicacy of the neighborhoods
In which they occur.
Are hemorrhoids and hernias. But I shall speak of these,
For I have had experience with each of them, you see.
Hernias, I’ve had a pair,
Both inguinal, and since repaired.
They’re in the front; hemorrhoid, in rear.
Other maladies, as well,
have assailed me through the years:
Pimples, rashes, broken bones,
waxy build-up in the ears,
A staph infection in my face
Which swelled up like a clown’s balloon,
And ingrown toenails, such disgrace,
but I trimmed them back, and soon.
Remain most prominent in memory.
Perhaps because of the delicacy of the neighborhoods
In which they occur.
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